Yeah. It’s been months. Probably almost a year since I’ve actually CARED about this blog. You know what my problem is? Letting go.

Every moment I’ve breathed since I was a recovered anorexia nervosa victim, I have let this eating disorder define me. I’ve told people about it, people I can trust, but there’s no need for me to make excuses… “Oh I’m only this big because I gained it back in recovery….Oh I’m only this big because I was on birth control to get my period back after I lost it during my eating disorder” No. I can’t do that anymore.

There are some things I’ve recently done that I feel are very important changes in my life and I’m gonna brag a bit. After months and months of debating, my mother and I decided that an anti-depressant would be a huge step in the right direction. I am so glad I decided to be medicated, because, like my doctor told me, anti-depressants are NOT a cure-all. But I definitely feel a difference. I have more get-up-and-go, I’m more motivated, I can laugh without feeling the pressure to. I can smile honestly and that’s not because of the medicine itself, it’s because of what the medicine will let you accomplish if you let it. I’ve made some positive changes and with the aid of this anti-depressant, I feel I can make so many more.

I’ve been without carbonation in any form for 84 days. I’m so proud of this one, because, if you’ve been with me long enough to get a picture of who I used to be, you know I was a self-admitted Diet Coke addict. I still tell people it IS my favorite drink… I just don’t drink it any more. It wasn’t easy. I tried it before the 84 days period…. that time I lasted for 4 days without Diet Coke. This time, I was determined. I feel so much better, no lie. It’s a change that isn’t really obvious until you realize the PAST effects of it… Stomach problems, bloat, stuff like that, that just don’t occur anymore. I strongly reccommend EVERYONE cut out carbonation!! I know that’s not always realistic, but me, being a perfectionist, was bound and determined, so I know for a fact if I can do it, you can!

I’ve been trying to eat healthier too… It’s been months since I purged or starved. We all have our holiday binges of course, but it’s the OTHER part of the time that matters—how you work to improve afterwards. 

Since my body’s been cleaner, my whole life’s been cleaner! I’m motivated to stay organized, clean up after myself, straighten my room, and just be cleaner in my life in general. 

I’ve been less irritable and a lot more honest. Able to crack jokes again and make decisions that favor my well-being, not my perfectionism. Started exercising, but never pushing myself farther than is healthy. 

So I’ve made a decision. In order to let go of something that will always be heavy, I’m gonna make a new blog, and delete this one. I’ll link to my new one before I delete this, but I wanted to let you all know. I hope you’ll all follow in my journey to be healthy… and enjoy my little sprinkles of personal life as well!! 

Stay beautiful, folks <3

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